Speaking to your children about divorce and separation

• Speak openly and honestly with your children using age-appropriate language.
• Acknowledge their awareness—children can sense tension, and being open can relieve anxiety.
• Use fictional characters, books, or films as conversation starters if you’re unsure how to talk about tough topics.
• Teenagers may prefer indirect conversation (e.g., during a car ride or walk).
• Inform childcare providers and schools of family changes so they can support your child.
• If unsure about separation or safety, consult resources like Relate or Women’s Aid.
• Plan your conversation in advance—what you’ll say, when, and where.
• If safe, present the news together with your partner to your children.
• Prepare for common questions (e.g., living arrangements, visits, special occasions).
• Reassure them of your love and that the separation is not their fault.
• Offer a brief, truthful reason without blaming; provide age-appropriate detail.
• Reassure them you’re coping, so they don’t feel responsible for your wellbeing.
• Acknowledge your feelings, and model healthy emotional expression.
• Be specific about changes affecting them, and involve them in decisions when possible.
• Support their adjustment and let them know you’ll navigate the changes together.
• Encourage ongoing questions and take their concerns seriously.
• Include them in planning time with each parent and important future events.
• Offer to speak on their behalf to others, depending on their preferences and age.
• Avoid criticizing your partner in front of the children.
• Talk to another adult (not your child) if you need support managing your emotions.
• Avoid oversharing adult issues or intimate relationship details.
• Give them time to process—don’t expect full understanding right away.
• Continue checking in regularly, as their feelings and questions will evolve.

While many people become single parents out of necessity, some make the difficult choice to separate from their partner.

When you speak with your child about this, try to be calm, clear, and compassionate. Let them know that the decision to separate wasn’t made lightly, but that sometimes adults realise they are no longer happy together or that they want different things in life.

Depending on your situation and your child’s age, you could say something like:

• “Sometimes one person in a relationship feels the need to make a change, but you are still deeply loved by both of us and that won’t change, even if our family looks a bit different now.”
• “We’ve decided we’ll be happier living apart, and that will help us be better parents to you.”
• “Just like people sometimes grow in different directions, we’ve grown in a way that means we work better as parents than as partners.”

It’s important to reassure them that this is about the grown-ups’ relationship and is not something they caused or can fix.

Invite them to share their thoughts and feelings. Give them space to react in their own time, and keep reinforcing that both parents love them, are still their family, and will always be there. Remind them that families can change shape, but love and support don’t have to change at all.

• Mrs Doubtfire – comedy about a man who wants to see his children after separation.
• Parent Trap – twins plot to get their parents back together.
• The Squid and the Whale – semi-autobiographical story of two boys dealing with their parents’ divorce.
• The Dumping Ground – CBBC TV programme based on Jaqueline Wilson’s book. It includes separation, foster care and social work involvement with families.
• What Maisie Knew – for parents. A hard watch about the difficulties experienced by six-year-old Maisie during a custody battle involving her parents’ new partners.

• OPFS guide to Separation: practical issues, including welfare benefits and legal services. Our helpline staff can listen and offer advice and support by phone 0808 801 0323 or webchat.
• Relationships Scotland: courses and mediation for parents wanting support.
• Scottish Women’s Aid: links to local Women’s Aid groups for advice and support for women and children experiencing domestic abuse. Local Women’s Aid groups have specialist children’s workers.
• Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline: for anyone affected by domestic abuse. Phone: 0800 027 1234. Email: helpline@sdafmh.org.uk. Webchat. Open 24 hours with translation service to speak to you in your preferred language.
• Amina Muslim Women’s Resource Centre: Helpline for Muslim women across Scotland. Phone: 0808 801 0301.
• Parenting Plan: Scottish Government plan to help separated parents discuss and plan practical arrangements for their children.