My child’s internet safety and social media use

Most social media sites like Instagram TikTok Snapchat and Facebook say that you have to be at least thirteen years old to sign up.

This is to protect children’s privacy and keep them safe. It’s best to wait until your child is old enough to understand the risks and responsibilities that come with using these platforms.

The most important thing is to keep talking openly with your child.

• Chat regularly about what they are doing online and who they are chatting to.
• Agree together on rules like how long they can spend online and what is okay to post.
• Let them know they can always come to you if something online upsets or confuses them.
• Use parental controls as a backup rather than spying on them all the time.
• Stay curious and calm so your child feels comfortable sharing with you.

Try to use relatable, everyday moments to start the conversation. For example you could ask:

• What would you do if someone online made you feel uncomfortable?
• Do you know what to do if someone sends you something upsetting?
• Would you feel okay telling me if something went wrong online?
• Have you ever seen something online which you found upsetting?

Let your child know you won’t take their devices away straight away. This helps to build trust, meaning they will hopefully continue to feel as though they can talk to you about what they’re up to.

Younger children

Lots of devices come with parental controls built in so you can set time limits and block your child from seeing certain things.

• Apps like Google Family Link or Apple Screen Time let you keep an eye on how much they use their phone or tablet.
• Your internet provider may have filters to block adult content.
• Make sure your child’s privacy settings on social media are set up properly to keep them safe.

If you want more help setting up parental controls visit Internet Matters.

Teens

If you have a teen at home, you might feel worried about them, even if they seem independent online.

You may have heard some concerns about teen online safety recently after the release of the Netflix drama Adolescence. A lot of parents might understandably feel alarmed by how teenagers’ online lives are presented in the show.

• UK Mental Health Foundation have written a blog with advice for parents who are worried about the issues raised in the Netflix show Adolescence.
• NSPCC has a guide on what to do if you think your child is looking at inappropriate or explicit content online.

If you suspect that your child is consuming harmful or extreme content online, have a good think about what you want to say to them and remember to come to the conversation with an open mind.

Although it can be really difficult, be prepared to listen to what they have to say. This will hopefully mean that you can continue to talk to them about things and over time help them move away from harmful content.

It can be worrying knowing that your child can post anything they want to social media with just the click of a few buttons. Equally, you might feel comfortable that your child is confident using social media. Either way, it’s still a really good idea to have some open discussions about what is and isn’t okay to post.

You could let them know that:

• You shouldn’t comment or message someone anything that you wouldn’t say to them or show them in person.
• You shouldn’t post or share anything online that you wouldn’t be okay with people in your life seeing in person.
• Whatever you put online can be traced back to you even if your account is anonymous.

If your child uses social media, it’s a good idea to encourage them to keep their account private. This way, only friends and family can see what they share.

If they’re older and have a public account, try to have an open and honest chat with them about what they’re posting.

You can help them understand the risks by asking them to imagine their posts on a big billboard in the middle of the street. This is a simple way of showing just how many strangers might be seeing what they share.

Watch out for changes like your child getting anxious, avoiding screens or pulling away from friends. If you think there is cyberbullying:

• Remind them it is not their fault.
• Help them to keep evidence like screenshots or messages.
• Help them block and report the bully on the platform.
• Talk to your child’s school as they usually have policies to deal with bullying, including online.

You can find more advice about what to do if you think your child is being bullied online at RespectMe.

There isn’t a set rule, but balance is important. If your child is having trouble sleeping, struggling with friendships or neglecting schoolwork, they might be spending too long online.

Try agreeing screen time limits together. You could use timers or have no phones at bedtime or during meals to help keep things balanced.

If you want more help setting up screen time limits and parental controls, visit Internet Matters.

If you are concerned about your child’s safety, especially if it involves grooming, exploitation or abuse, don’t hesitate to get help.

It can be really hard to spot when a child is being groomed online. That’s why it’s so important to have open chats and let them know they can always come to you if something doesn’t feel right.

Find out more about grooming from NSPCC.

Signs a child might be getting groomed can include:

• Spending more time away from home or class, or going missing.
• Sudden changes in behaviour like spending a lot more or less time online and being secretive about what they’re up to.
• Suddenly getting unexplained gifts.
• Misusing alcohol or drugs.
• Hanging out with someone a lot older than them.
• Sexual health issues.
• Using sexual language that seems unusual for their age.
• Struggling with mental health issues.

Often, kids don’t even realise they are being abused. Abusers can be sneaky, they might manipulate children online by pretending to be another child.

Of course, social media companies should be doing their bit to keep their platforms safe, but as parents or carers there are still things you can do to help protect your children when they’re online.

Support is available:

• Call Police Scotland on 101 or dial 999 in an emergency
• Make a report through CEOP 
• Call Childline on 0800 1111
• Call Parentline Scotland on 08000 28 22 33

You are free to use social media however you want, whether it’s to keep up with what friends and family are doing, express yourself, or watch content that interests you.

This being said, it’s a good idea to try and lead by example as a parent, especially if you want to have discussions with your children about their social media use.

Here are a few tips for setting a good example with your own social media use:

• Take a moment to think before you post, share or engage with something.
• Try to create the kind of online space you’d want your children to be a part of. Stay positive and supportive when you interact with others.
• If you come across extreme or harmful content, report and block it. Showing your kids how to handle these issues sets a strong example.