Bereavement at Christmas

Staying in the house watching TV can feel comforting, but it can start to become isolating if this is your only activity every day.

• Try to plan a new activity each day.
• Aim to get out of the house or do something different around the house if you don’t feel like going out, at least once per day.
• You could bake something or try a DIY craft activity, tick some tasks off your to-do list, run a few errands, or head out for a walk.

Trying to do something small every day can start to help you get up in the mornings and give you some goals and purpose over the Christmas break.

Remember that it’s okay to take a break and delete a social media app for some time, or simply log out for a bit. Even if you only do this for a week, you might start to notice a shift in your mental health.

We have some ideas for activities you can do with the kids for low or no cost this Christmas.

Take a moment each day to stop and simply be.

We are busy people living busy lives. This is especially true over Christmas as a single parent, and even more so if you have experienced bereavement. Try to schedule some time each day to simply put everything down, turn off your devices, and just sit with your thoughts and feelings.

You don’t have to make judgements about any thoughts or feelings that come up, just notice them. You could combine this with some meditation or stretching, or listen to music, or you could simply sit with a cup of tea and have a think.

Creating thinking time for ourselves is extremely important in our busy lives, because this is when we give our brains time to reflect on everything we experience. The more we allow our brains to do this, the more we start to process what’s happening in our lives.

You might find this activity very difficult, especially if you feel like you haven’t had time to do this recently or if you’ve been avoiding difficult thoughts. Whatever you feel or think, this time can be productive for yourself and your mental health.

Self care is extremely important after you go through something as extreme as the loss of a loved one.

It can be difficult to make time for yourself during Christmas, especially as a single parent, but even grabbing a few minutes of quiet to rest can be very beneficial.

• Read guidance on taking care of your mind, your body and your time on our My Life and Me wellbeing website.
• Try the free guided meditation app from Healthy Minds Innovations. The app lets you select what kind of session you want to do as well as how long you want your practise to be, so whether you just want a couple of minutes to unwind or you want to try a longer session whilst you’re on the move, there may be something you find useful. Meditation can also help you to sleep better at night and to understand your emotions better.

You are strong for recognising your grief and trying to understand it, and it is strong to ask for help. Whatever you need to do to reach out to someone, whether it’s picking up the phone or getting dressed and going out to meet somebody – it can be really hard to motivate yourself to get to that point.

Take your time and prioritise yourself. Reaching out can feel extremely difficult, but it will help you start to manage your grief.

Try to get out of the house and see other people

It’s important to be around other people. Try not to isolate yourself in the house for the whole Christmas break. Surrounding yourself with trusted loved ones even once or twice this Christmas can be a good way to combat loneliness and grief.

Opening up is really difficult, but it can take a weight off your shoulders

It can be difficult to speak to other people about deep-rooted feelings, but it’s important to talk about how you feel with a trusted family member or friend. Remember, you aren’t ruining Christmas for anyone who loves you by talking to them about how you feel.

Wouldn’t you do the same for them if your positions were switched? Try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine the love they feel for you, and the fact they want to help you by listening to whatever you need to say.

If things are tough and you need to talk to someone, remember you can call a Helpline.

We have listed some helplines at the top of this page which will be open over the Christmas holidays.

Remember that helpline workers on the numbers we have listed are trained to deal with emotions, grief and trauma. They are an unbiased listening ear who you can turn to if things start to get really difficult. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Here are some useful guides to support you through the grieving process.

• AtaLoss has a page where you can find bereavement services near you
• The Compassionate Friends has lots of guides and resources for anyone affected by grief and loss
• The Manda Centre is a counselling and support centre based in Lanarkshire for those affected by loss, trauma or personal crisis
• Winston’s Wish is a bereavement charity offering support to young people under 25 affected by loss and grief
• The NHS has a useful self-help guide for coping with bereavement and grief
• WAY has a guide for young widows
• YoungMinds has a useful page on support for young people dealing with grief and loss, and another page which is for helping parents to support their children with grief and loss
• Hospice UK has lots of guides and resources for those in end of life care, as well as those supporting them