Speaking to your children about divorce and separation

Last updated: 23/04/2025

Lots of parents contact us for advice about how to talk to their children about divorce and separation. This can be a difficult and emotional time for the whole family. We hope that you are getting the support you need to cope.

Children are generally more resilient and adaptable than we think. They often surprise us with how well they adjust to big changes in their lives.

There are things you can do to help them cope with, and adapt to change.

Some tips for speaking to your children about divorce and separation

  • Speak openly and honestly with your children using age-appropriate language.
  • Acknowledge their awareness—children can sense tension, and being open can relieve anxiety.
  • Use fictional characters, books, or films as conversation starters if you’re unsure how to talk about tough topics.
  • Teenagers may prefer indirect conversation (e.g., during a car ride or walk).
  • Inform childcare providers and schools of family changes so they can support your child.
  • If unsure about separation or safety, consult resources like Relate or Women’s Aid.
  • Plan your conversation in advance—what you’ll say, when, and where.
  • If safe, present the news together with your partner to your children.
  • Prepare for common questions (e.g., living arrangements, visits, special occasions).
  • Reassure them of your love and that the separation is not their fault.
  • Offer a brief, truthful reason without blaming; provide age-appropriate detail.
  • Reassure them you’re coping, so they don’t feel responsible for your wellbeing.
  • Acknowledge your feelings, and model healthy emotional expression.
  • Be specific about changes affecting them, and involve them in decisions when possible.
  • Support their adjustment and let them know you’ll navigate the changes together.
  • Encourage ongoing questions and take their concerns seriously.
  • Include them in planning time with each parent and important future events.
  • Offer to speak on their behalf to others, depending on their preferences and age.
  • Avoid criticizing your partner in front of the children.
  • Talk to another adult (not your child) if you need support managing your emotions.
  • Avoid oversharing adult issues or intimate relationship details.
  • Give them time to process—don’t expect full understanding right away.
  • Continue checking in regularly, as their feelings and questions will evolve.

Films

  • Mrs Doubtfire – comedy about a man who wants to see his children after separation.
  • Parent Trap – twins plot to get their parents back together.
  • The Squid and the Whale – semi-autobiographical story of two boys dealing with their parents’ divorce.
  • The Dumping Ground – CBBC TV programme based on Jaqueline Wilson’s book. It includes separation, foster care and social work involvement with families.
  • What Maisie Knew – for parents. A hard watch about the difficulties experienced by six-year-old Maisie during a custody battle involving her parents’ new partners.

Useful links

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful.

View Privacy policy

Covering your tracks

You may not want other people to know that you’ve been searching for information or help from OPFS.

When browsing the internet whether on a mobile phone, tablet or computer, you leave a ‘history’ trail of pages and sites you’ve visited.

It’s impossible to completely avoid being tracked online but if you’re worried about someone knowing which sites you’ve been looking at, there are some things you can do to help cover your tracks.

If you’re using a laptop or desktop computer, try keeping another document or website open in a new tab or window while browsing. If someone comes in the room and you don’t want them to see what you’re looking at, you can quickly switch to another window or tab.

Deleting browsing history

You can delete the history of websites you’ve visited, but it’s important to know that if you delete your browsing history, someone else using the same device may notice.

If you share a tablet, mobile phone, laptop or computer with someone, they might notice that passwords or website addresses have disappeared from their history.

Find out how to remove your browsing history and other data from some of the most commonly used browsers:

Browsing in Private mode (incognito)

When browsing ‘incognito’, the internet browser won’t store cookies or record your browsing history on the computer, mobile or tablet.

This option is available on popular web browsers i.e. -

Toolbars

If you use a search toolbar in your web browser, remember that your searched items can be saved as part of your history. Find out how to delete your searched items from the following search engines: