My child is refusing to go to school

Talk to your child

• It’s best to choose a calm, quiet time to chat, not during a stressful moment
• Some children find it easier to talk about how they’re feeling if you’re doing something else at the same time, like cooking or doing the dishes. Other children prefer to talk with no distractions, so judge this based on your own child’s personality and needs
• You could ask open-ended questions like “how are you feeling about school?”
• Listen more than you speak, and avoid jumping in with solutions straight away
• Reassure them that it’s okay to feel worried and that you’ll work through things together

Keep the school informed

• Contact your child’s class teacher, guidance teacher, or head teacher as soon as possible
• Let them know what’s been going on and any specific concerns your child has shared with you
• Ask what support might be available. Even putting something temporary in place can make a big difference
• Stay in regular contact with the school, even if your child is only off for a few days

More info about how to talk to your child’s school about absence on the Scottish Government’s ParentClub website

Know your rights

The Scottish Government has clear legislation around school attendance and support needs. Your child has the right to additional support for learning if they need it

There are also rules that protect children from being treated unfairly in school

• More info about school attendance and exclusion related to mental health needs from Scottish charity Enquire
• More info about school attendance from the Scottish Government.

Fines and prosecutions over school absences are very rare and usually only considered when:

• The school believes there is no valid reason for absence
• Parents are not engaging with the school
• There is no professional support or explanation for an extended absence (e.g. from a GP)

The school might also suggest or arrange additional help, such as:

• A referral to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)
• Input from educational psychology or other local services

Don’t wait for a diagnosis to ask for help

• Your child does not need a CAMHS diagnosis or formal label to get support
• Schools can put temporary or long-term support in place based on your child’s needs
• Support might include a safe space, flexible start times, or help with friendships
• Ask what your school can offer at the moment, as this varies by local authority and school staff

Continuing to support your child at home

• Try not to talk about school too much with your child, unless they bring it up
• Don’t force your child to go into school as this can make things much worse in the long-run. It’s better to look for a solution while your child takes some time off to recover. This can help make their return to school a bit easier.
• Help your child manage their social media usage and screen time, which may be exacerbating issues such as anxiety and sleep difficulties
• If you need to take time off work to be with your child, speak to your employer – you may be able to work from home some days depending on your job, or you can request unpaid parental leave

Seek professional help if necessary

• If you’re noticing that your child seems generally upset or anxious a lot of the time, it’s a good idea to make an appointment with your GP
• If you can’t seem to figure out a reason for why your child is unable to attend school, or if their reasons revolve around communication difficulties, sensory issues or social struggles, they may have an undiagnosed ASN such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, autism or ADHD

ASNs include:

• A disability, mental health or health condition
• Autism, dyslexia, ADHD, dyscalculia or any neurodivergent condition
• English not being their first language
• Something upsetting happening at home, such as a family breakup or bereavement, or a family member going into hospital
• Being a young carer

It’s important to note that ASNs like ADHD and autism can present very differently in girls and boys.

If you suspect that your child may be struggling as a result of an undiagnosed ASN like autism or ADHD, talking to the GP is a good place to start.

Inform the school throughout the process, and let them know your concerns as soon as possible, as they may be able to put support measures in place.

Look after yourself too

• Supporting a child through school refusal can be draining. You deserve support too
• Speak to your GP or a trusted friend, family member or support worker if you’re struggling.
• Get in touch with us via our webchat, email service or by phoning our Helpline on 0808 801 0323
• Remember, showing your child that you’re also getting the support you need helps them feel more secure

Celebrate each little success together

It’s really important to continue to be patient with your child through the process, even once support is in place it’ll likely take time for your child to feel comfortable enough to go back into school.

Remember that no matter how small it may seem, each little success is a step towards recovery.

Here are some little wins you can and should celebrate with your child:

• Getting dressed for school, even if they don’t leave the house
• Packing their school bag or preparing lunch
• Walking to the gate or the car, even if they turn back
• Going into the school building, even just for a few minutes
• Staying a little longer than yesterday
• Saying hello to a teacher or classmate
• Talking about what’s worrying them, even a little bit
• Agreeing to a plan for tomorrow, like a short visit to school
• Drawing or writing about their feelings instead of bottling them up
• Celebrating bravery, even if it didn’t go as planned