Reply To: Watching my mouth

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Good morning runningmum01,

There’s another person on here called runningmum who’s given support to me. I noticed you have a slightly different username so are not the same person. :-). Anyway! 🙂

I hope you’re okay as I remember the early days of my separation and divorce. I can relate to your feelings of being the only one holding it all together. It really is so so tough but you are doing it. Each and every time you bite your tongue and don’t say what’s really going on for you, you are being true to yourself. I agree that it’s best not to bad mouth another person even if they are behaving in an emotionally damaging way. I think that children need to be protected from the animosity as much as is possible. You are doing this which in my mind is incredibly brave and shows great resilience. I did the same and continue to do the same. My child is 12 now and has asked what happened, I eventually explained the situation because of her persistence to know why the marriage ended. I told her how things may have been for him and how things were for me and that we are both happier apart. I explained that I made the decision to leave so that we could build separate happy lives. She’s understanding more and more. She dislikes her Dad which I always hoped would happen in the early days. In reality, it’s actually quite upsetting because she doesn’t want to go to her Dads the designated times which makes me feel guilty when she does. I do need the break when she goes too so it’s pretty tough having to explain to her that we both need times apart and it’s important she sees her Daddy, his wife and her baby step brothers. With each step though, like you, I have dealt with it and I see that you will do the same because you are already coping with it all very admirably.

There are so many parallels to your story and mine that I could have written what you have. As cheesy as it may sound, you are not alone in those feelings or your situation. The light at the end of the tunnel is that things will and do change (stating the obvious but it’s what keeps me sane).

Keep going with your beliefs not to bitch. Your children will appreciate that you have given them a stable childhood. Their acting out with you means they feel safe. As much as that is heart breaking and upsetting, it shows they trust you enough to show their emotions and be themselves. You are doing a great job. You can do this. You really can. I know it’s tough, draining, tiring, sole destroying and just damn not fair BUT you are showing your grit and determination. You had a dream with their Dad as a family unit which didn’t work out. Your new future is a different dream of uncertainty which is scary but wonderful because just as tough things happen. Great things happen too. I know I don’t know you but I am proud of what you are achieving each and every day being the best parent you can be.

Keep believing in yourself.