[Kk05]

So I found out I was pregnant just over a week ago. It’s was totally unexpected (failed contraception).

The father my ex broke things off January, it was a long relationship but I have to admit I had strong feelings for him and was heartbroken. Not long after I started to feel not quite right. Looking back it was early pregnancy symptoms but I put it down to heartbreak.

Anyways turns out I’m pregnant. Had to go to the early pregnancy unit as I would be classed as high risk. I’m about 8 weeks but will be more accurate at my dating scan. I told the father pretty much same time as I took the test. I explained that I was wanting to keep the baby and he could be as involved as he liked. His response was it’s not ideal but he will be involved, not being isn’t an option for him.

He initially wasn’t keen but has come round to the idea and has been amazing. Came to the appointment and just generally been there for me. We haven’t had the chat about us really but he hasn’t shown signs he wants us to get back together.

I’m struggling though with differentiating the dad to be and his feelings for me. He’s been so considerate and helping me out loads and just being there for me. Not only that but all the feelings I had are rushing back, don’t think they were ever really gone.

How do I navigate this? I’m generally ok with being alone and doing this alone but he wants involvement. Not even sure this is the correct place to post

[Marissa]

Hey KK,

I’m so sorry your post didn’t get a response sooner. We try to take a hands-off approach to the forum so that replies come from other single parents (and parents-to-be), but I just wanted to check in with you.

How are you feeling now? Has anything changed since you last posted? Pregnancy can be an emotional rollercoaster, and when you’re also dealing with uncertainty about your relationship, it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed.

A few things to thing about:

Why did the relationship end? Is it something that can be worked through?

Has he given you any indication that he wants to try again?

If the relationship didn’t work before, what would need to change for it to work now?

Right now, the most important thing is your wellbeing, both for you and your baby. Since your pregnancy is considered high-risk, keeping your stress levels as low as possible is key. It’s great that he’s offering support with appointments and preparing for the baby’s arrival, and taking that help could make things a little easier for you. But I know the emotional side of things is much trickier, especially if he hasn’t said he wants to rebuild the relationship when you still have feelings for him.

Do you feel able to have an open conversation with him about where he stands? He might still be getting his head round the situation and sometimes that can take dad’s longer as they don’t have their body changes and hormones preparing them for becoming a parent. It’s possible that things might shift once the baby arrives, but it’s also important to be realistic. Some relationships come back together through parenting, while others don’t, and a baby, as wonderful as they are, don’t provide a quick fix if there’s relationship issues.

From what you’ve shared, my personal advice would be to prepare for single parenthood while keeping the door open to co-parenting in a way that works for both of you. That way, if things do change between you, it’s a bonus, but you’ll also be ready and supported if they don’t.

There are lots of resources available to help:
ℹ️ Our website has useful information about support for expecting mums. https://www.opfs.org.uk/support-and-advice/having-a-baby/money-when-you-are-expecting-or-just-had-a-baby
📞 You can call our helpline (0808 801 0323) to discuss your options, including financial support.
💚 Some of our local services offer counselling, which might be helpful. If that doesn’t suit for where you live, please speak to your GP or prenatal team to find out about support available to you.
💚 We also have wellbeing info for parents, that you might be interested in. https://www.opfs.org.uk/support-and-advice/health-and-wellbeing
👩🏼‍👨🏾‍👧🏽 The Scottish Government’s Parenting Plan can help with starting a conversation about co-parenting. http://www.mygov.scot/parenting-plan
ℹ️ Parent Club has great resources too. http://www.parentclub.scot
💬 One of my friend’s found the Peanut app really helpful for connecting with other mums-to-be: http://www.peanut-app.io/groups/ay3-lw1/mums-looking-for-friends-uk

No matter what happens, you’re not alone. There’s so much support out there for mums—whether you co-parent, solo parent, or something in between. Sending you lots of strength, and I hope you and your baby are doing okay. 💛

[Author]

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