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Domestic abuse support for single parents

Last updated: 20/08/2025

“Many callers don’t initially say it’s abuse. Often they don’t realise until they say what’s been happening out loud to somebody else.”

– Adviser at OPFS

Immediate support

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Call 999 if you are in immediate danger. If it’s too dangerous for you to speak to the police on the phone, dial ‘55‘ on your mobile when prompted. You can also let the operator know you need help by tapping the phone or making a noise.

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Why this page matters

Domestic abuse can be even more common than some statistics suggest. This is often because of the difficulty survivors may face when opening up about what they’ve been through. If someone tells you something that implies they’re experiencing abuse you should take care to listen to them, believe them and support them.

Unfortunately, many single parents face domestic abuse. If you think you or someone you know may be experiencing abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. You’re not alone and services exist to support you through this.

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What is domestic abuse?

In Scotland, domestic abuse is a crime. Anyone can experience domestic abuse regardless of things like gender or sexuality. If your partner or ex-partner is trying to harm you, you may be experiencing domestic abuse.

It’s a good idea to seek help if you or your child are experiencing any of the following from your partner or ex-partner:

  • Emotional or psychological abuse, which can include things like gaslighting (when someone makes you question your own version of what’s happened)
  • Verbal abuse, such as hurtful name-calling or making threats
  • Physical abuse
  • Harmful behaviour towards your belongings or pets
  • Stalking
  • Sexual harassment, sexual assault or rape
  • Coercive control, which can include attempts to isolate you from your friends or family
  • Degrading treatment, which might include things like humiliating you in front of others or not allowing you to eat or drink
  • Financial abuse

If you are experiencing any of the above, it’s likely that you are being abused.

The Disclosure Scheme for Domestic Abuse Scotland allows people to ask the police if their partner, or the partner of someone they know, has a criminal record related to domestic abuse.

Common fears when leaving an abusive partner

It's extremely common to feel afraid of leaving an abusive partner, or to continue to feel the pressure after leaving. Know that you're not alone and services exist to help you through this extremely difficult and stressful time.

Feeling trapped

You may feel trapped with your abusive partner, or like there isn’t another option. Many people experiencing abuse feel this way. This can especially be the case if you have children.

The most important thing is that you and your child are safe. If you are struggling to leave because you feel trapped with your partner, there are services available to help you.

Services to help you

Fear of not being believed

Many survivors worry that they won’t be believed after they open up about the abuse they’ve experienced from a partner. This may be because they have experienced being disbelieved before, or because of the stigmas which unfortunately exist around abuse.

You don’t have to open up to people about your experience until you feel ready. If you do decide to tell someone in your life about your experience, it’s important that you trust that person and that they make you feel safe.

It’s hugely brave to open up about your experience with abuse. You deserve to be listened to, taken seriously and treated with care and respect no matter how recently it happened. If someone you tell about the abuse doesn’t react with care and compassion, it can be retraumatising.

Remember that what’s happening or happened to you is not your fault. Seeking help is a big step and it can feel scary, but telling someone you trust can help you and your child a lot in the long run. 

 

Your children and domestic abuse

It’s important to keep communicating with your child if you’re experiencing domestic abuse. If your child has experienced or witnessed abuse, they will most likely be trying to cope with this in their own way.

“We see lots of parents worried about their children’s behaviour changing after they leave the abusive situation. This can especially be the case with teenagers, who are already at a difficult time in their development.”

– Adviser at OPFS

We know that you’re doing the best you can to protect your children from the abuse you’ve experienced. Sometimes, children react to difficult situations in surprising ways. This may be a sign of other underlying issues, which may be a result of the abuse they have experienced or witnessed.

 

Signs that your child has witnessed or experienced abuse

Every child reacts differently to abuse. Some become quiet or withdrawn, others angry, aggressive or anxious. Knowing what signs to look for can help you respond in ways that really support their recovery.

You might notice that:

  • They become anxious or depressed
  • They’re finding it difficult to sleep, and when they do sleep they might have nightmares or flashbacks  
  • They’ve started bedwetting, or having more physical symptoms like tummy aches or headaches
  • They behave as though they’re younger than they actually are
  • They have temper tantrums
  • They’re becoming aggressive  
  • They’re not doing as well at school, or are misbehaving in class
  • They’re bottling up their problems or withdrawing from others
  • They’re sense of self-worth seems low
  • Older children might be trying to cope by using alcohol or drugs
  • They’re self-harming 
  • They’ve developed an eating disorder 

 

Talking to your children about domestic abuse

1

Starting the conversation

Let your child know it’s okay to talk. Even if they don’t say much at first, just having the space to talk, draw or write about things helps them process what’s happened.

Some children, especially younger ones, find it easier to show how they feel through pictures rather than words.

2

Be honest, but keep it age-appropriate

Children are often more aware than we realise. Try to be as truthful as possible without going into unnecessary or frightening details. Simple, calm explanations can help build trust.

Reassure them that it’s not their fault and they are not responsible for what adults do.

3

Help them understand that abuse is wrong

Let them know that hurting or controlling others isn’t okay, and that this is not how problems should be solved.

Setting boundaries now helps them learn what healthy relationships look like in the future.

4

Keep checking in

Try to keep the conversation going over time. You might notice they start opening up more once they feel safer.

If they don’t want to talk right away, that’s okay. Let them know you’re there when they’re ready.

5

Use creative activities

Sometimes drawing, writing or playing can help children express themselves. You don’t need to be an expert, even simple conversations while colouring or walking together can help.

Teachers, youth workers or social workers might also have ideas for age-appropriate ways to talk things through.

6

Let them share their feelings and wishes

Ask them what they’d like to see change, or what would make them feel better.

It may be extremely difficult for you to hear what they have been through, but it’s really important that you give them an opportunity to explain their feelings about things and that you try to listen without judgement.

7

Show them where to get support

There are websites designed just for children and teens affected by abuse:

One of the best things you can do is show your child that asking for help is normal and nothing to be ashamed of. If they see you asking for support when you need it, they’ll learn it’s safe to do the same.

8

Teach them what they should do in an emergency

Show your child how to call 999 for emergency situations, but explain that their job is not to protect you.

You can also teach them that if they dial 999 but can’t speak, pressing 55 lets the operator know it’s an emergency.

If your child uses British Sign Language (BSL), let them know they can contact emergency services via the 999 BSL website or app.

9

Praise and reassure them

Being around abuse or being abused can knock a child’s confidence. Make time to tell them they’re brave, kind and loved.

Even small bits of praise and affection go a long way in helping them feel secure again.

 

Leaving an abusive relationship

It takes a huge amount of bravery and strength to leave an abusive relationship.

It is never too early or too late to leave an abusive partner.

The most important thing is you and your child’s safety, and there is no one way to leave. However, if you’re feeling unsure about what to do, Women’s Aid has a guide on how to leave an abusive relationship safely.

 

After leaving your abusive partner

It takes immense strength to leave an abusive partner. After leaving, you may find that you still have complex feelings towards them. Be patient with yourself, as it can take a long time to feel settled again after leaving an abusive relationship. Remember that everyone responds differently.

Unfortunately, abuse doesn't always stop after someone leaves an abuser. If this is the case for you, it's a good idea to seek support by using the resources in the pink box on this page.

Mental health support after leaving

You might find that you’re really busy with sorting the practicalities after leaving your abusive partner, especially if you have things like children and housing to sort out. You might expect to feel great after leaving and finally becoming free.

Some people find that they feel elated right after leaving, but that this is then followed by grief or feelings of loss. This is completely natural. There’s no one way to process becoming a single parent, leaving an abusive relationship and leaving your abusive partner all at once. These things take time.

Some things you might notice after leaving  an abusive relationship

  • Your self-confidence may be low. This is because living with someone who is constantly manipulating, criticising, abusing you, tearing you down or being violent towards you is extremely emotionally exhausting and slowly eats away at your sense of self-worth. Your confidence will come back with time and self-care.
  • You’re suddenly faced with lots of choices about what to do with your free-time. This is because your abuser may not have allowed you to make choices around these things before. You might feel overwhelmed now that you’re able to make these choices for yourself.
  • It might seem really quiet or lonely in your home, especially if you lived with your abuser. You might even feel like you miss your abuser. Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling this way, but try and remember that you left them for a reason and that the loneliness will eventually subside with time. It can take a bit of time to get used to living without them, which is completely natural after any breakup.
  • You may feel like you’ve lost touch with friends and family. If your abuser isolated you from others, you may only really begin to see the results of this now that you’ve left. But it’s not too late to try and reconnect with those friends and family. With time, if you feel comfortable, you may even be able to tell them about what’s happened.

 

More serious mental health concerns

Unfortunately, domestic abuse can leave survivors with longer-lasting mental health conditions like depression, anxiety disorders such as Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) or panic disorder, or trauma-based disorders such as complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

If you think you might be suffering from any of the above issues to the extent that they are impacting your daily life, it’s a good idea to go to the GP.

The GP may be able to refer you to a mental health specialist for things like PTSD or C-PTSD. If you would like to receive counselling, it’s a good idea to explain this to your GP too. If you feel comfortable, let the GP know that you have recently been through something traumatic.

You do not have to give any details if you don’t want to, but the more the GP understands your symptoms, the better they can organise care for you. It might also be a good idea to bring a list of your recent symptoms and when they began impacting you.

Ongoing harm and stalking

Some people find that after they leave their abusive partner, their abusive ex tries to contact them, harass them or even stalk them.

Stalking is illegal and includes behaviour such as being followed around or repeatedly and unwantedly contacted by another person. Like abuse, anyone can be a victim of stalking.

You have the right to be protected by the law if you feel afraid of your current or ex-partner.

 

Financial and legal support after experiencing domestic abuse

Being a single parent for the first time can feel daunting. At OPFS, we’re here to support you without judgement. We can offer advice on how you navigate single parent life, including which benefits you might be entitled to.

If you’d like to speak to one of our advisers, you can get in touch through our Helpline, webchat or email us on advice@opfs.org.uk.

 

Call the OPFS Lone Parent Helpline on 0808 801 0323 between 9.30am and 4pm Monday to Friday.

Our Helpline is a free, confidential and friendly service that provides advice and support to all single parents in Scotland. Whatever you’re going through, we’re here to listen without judgement.

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