[Katherine24]

Hi. Just wondering if anyone feels like me with the loneliness factor. My ex took custody of our friends and my teenagers are forging their own lives. I was a social person so this is the one aspect I am struggling with the most. Anyone else or any tips?

[Marissa]

Hi Katherine,

That sounds like a really tough situation – your ex taking custody of your joint friends. I’m sure most parents of teenagers can identify with them being busy with their own lives, which changes what they need from you.

I work for OPFS and didn’t want to leave your post unanswered, but I know from the single parents we support that you are not alone in feeling lonely so hopefully others will reply soon with their own experiences and tips. Until then you might find some of the info we have on ‘My Life, and Me’ useful as a starting point; https://opfs.org.uk/support-and-advice/health-and-wellbeing/feeling-less-lonely-and-more-in-touch-with-others/

Mental Health Foundation produced a really useful downloadable guide to Loneliness. Although it is aimed at young parents, I think some of the information can be useful to parents of all ages – https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/scotland/explore-mental-health/loneliness/young-parent-guide-loneliness

This could also be an opportunity for you to reconnect with your younger self, hobbies you used to have, things you wished you had more time to do when your kids were younger. Are there any groups such as sports, photography, languages, gardening, community groups, volunteering, learn a new skill, get fit, online groups that share a special interest you have that you could join to meet new people. I am aware this could feel daunting especially if your self-esteem and trust have taking a bashing after loss of previous friends. Take small steps that feel manageable to you. Maybe one of your teenagers would be willing to support you by going along to the first activity.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Marissa

[Katherine24]

Hi Marissa

Thank you so very much for your reply. I really do appreciate it. Great tips and will give your links a good read. Definitely need to reconnect to my younger self.

Katherine

[Fudgablet]

Hi, I also lost a lot of friends due to divorce, and I definitely found it easier to meet other mums when my boy was little, then some of those new friendships then got lost when I had to move… so yes I definitely feel very lonely a lot if the time. How to cope with it.. I don’t think I cope very well but I do try to read a lot, and join art classes or visit the gym just to be around people. I am hoping at some point to meet more single parents who also understand

[Katherine24]

It is tough when they get older as you don’t meet mums as easily. Where are you located?

[jp]

Hi 👋

Not sure if this is allowed but it could also be something opfs could start up or doing themselves

It’s a Facebook group for single parents to get together, goto soft play, activities with there kids

Main point is to combat isolation and being lonely

The group is hear, also feel free to chat to me anytime

https://www.facebook.com/groups/531658571956788/?ref=share

[H]

Hi Katherine,

I know loneliness well from various points in my life and with being a single parent. It really hurts and it sounds like you’ve experienced the rejection of losing who were friends that sided with your ex. It’s very painful when you think they care about you separately only to realise that they were originally friends of your ex so have chosen to split from you. I experienced this with the friends I thought I had who were originally my exes. It hurts but there are positives to see from the situation ( in my humble opinion ). Being free from a difficult relationship is such a relief. It’s better to know where friends loyalties lie sooner rather than later. Being able to be comfortable with loneliness shows massive strength especially in mentally difficult times. I sometimes feel like I have Samaritans on speed dial. ;-). It motivated me out of my comfort zones to try new things. I am free to make my own choices without considering others if need be but the truth is, I’d rather have someone to share my life with. Loneliness definitely builds patience!!! You’ll no doubt find strategies of dealing with your situation that work best for you. My coping list is a work in progress. I think connection is the key but that’s the last thing I want to do on teary days when I feel folks won’t understand and will reject me. I’m glad you posted and hope that the comments have helped you feel less alone. If there were local groups it’d be so much easier for us instead of posting on a site…. 🙂

H 🙂

[Author]

Posts