[H]

After a lifetime of being heterosexual, I am feeling that I am more drawn to my sex these days. Has anyone else experienced this? It’s a confusing time because I thought I had that part of me worked out but I now see that I have lived from other peoples expectations of what I should be than exploring who I am and what I want and need. I’m kinda feeling like it’s too late and I’ll never meet someone…. Negative I know as I always am optimistic for other singletons……

[Marissa]

Hi H,

It seems to be a common experience that lots of single parents have, with thoughts of how difficult it is to meet someone new. It is complicated enough looking for a new partner, without having to consider how they will fit in with your children, arranging childcare for dates, thinking about safety not just for yourself but also your children. There’s a lot to juggle and think about!

As much as there are additional barriers and extra things to consider, I also think some of this can be a good thing. After having children most parents have a clearer vision of the life they would like to have for themselves and their children and therefore won’t rush into another relationship that does not fit with their future plans because they want the best for their child(ren). There will be some potential partners put off by the fact you have children, but at least you don’t have to waste your time with them as they are not a good fit for you.

In terms of questioning sexuality, that also seems to be fairly common especially for women that have had family and followed the hetro-normative path without pausing to explore their sexuality. For some this might just simply be a rejection of the men following hurt or betrayal and the thought of being with another male feels too scary. But that does not usually account for attraction to the same sex. It sounds like you have a lot of questions and it could be useful for you to chat about about your feelings and attractions and meet new people without feeling any pressure to box yourself into any labels of sexuality.

There are helplines such as LGBT Health & Wellbeing if you would like to chat to someone who will understand;
Helpline 0300 123 2523
Open on Tuesdays & Wednesdays (12-9pm), and Thursdays & Sundays (1-6pm)

LGBT Health and Wellbeing

There are also events such as film festivals, book clubs, social events for LGBT (and questioning) communities across the country. Therefore, you could maybe meet people with similar interests to you that are also open-minded about sexuality without any immediate pressure of dating.

I just seen a wellness festival for LGBT women advertised that sounds interesting but I don’t know much about it – http://www.outandwild.co.uk

[H]

Hi Marissa,

I appreciate your reply and understanding.

I am in touch with LGBT Health and Wellbeing but mostly use samaritans. I have seen the out and wild wellness festival before but it never coincided with times I am free and financially unfortunately. I’m clearer now about my sexuality since I last posted and am lucky in that my friends and family have wholeheartedly accepted that I’d like a relationship with a woman. It’s more the meeting someone that is challenging because of my circumstances. I noticed there’re a few posts about loneliness so am wondering if opfs holds events itself for single parents to socialise?

Thanks,

H.

[Dopamine_Hopes]

Hi H, I just wanted to give you my take on your situation if its okay? So I have a daughter who’s nearly 21. Only maybe coming on 3 years ago she sat down and told me she was bisexual. I asked her how long she’d known & she said since about 11 for sure. Thru her teenage years she had about 2 boyfriends. I had no incline she wasn’t heterosexual. I asked why she hadn’t told me way before she did. This broke my heart 😭 she said I thought you would throw me out & disown me. My child believed that & I have no understanding or idea of why. I’ve lots of gay friends, I have always supported the lbgtq+ community & for people to be able to love who they love without it being a problem for anyone else. I told her that there is nothing she could ever do that would make me unlove, disown or change my opinion of the person she is. Except 1 thing that YOU NEVER do to kids. I won’t say the word. I was broken hearted that my child had to live her teenage years being someone she wasn’t & couldn’t live who she was because of fear of what others would say and think. We had a chat the other day & she’s realised she’s not bisexual she’s pan sexual & that’s where you fall in love with a person’s being, their personality who they are regardless of their gender. I think that is absolutely lovely maybe if that’s how we all were love would maybe be easier. Yes you’re a woman you have kids being with men was who you where then it doesn’t mean you need to continue with that if it doesn’t make you happy. Maybe you’ve had bad experiences with men that now you just can’t see yourself with another man now. If you find that you now want to see if you’re more suited to a relationship with a woman or you want to go down my daughters route then DO IT. Its your life & only your life. Obviously once you decide personally for me I’d tell my kids before anyone I’d explain the best I could & reassure them that they’ll always come first. Don’t leave them to hear from anyone else. If your kids see no issue & just want you to be happy that’s the only people’s opinion & feelings you should bother yourself with my love. I hope you stop worrying about others & finally put yourself 1st. That’s the least you deserve & I’ll be rooting for you my love xxx

[H]

Hi Dopamine_hopes,

Thank so much for your lovely reply! It’s a long while since I’ve logged in here because there wasn’t much happening on here for sometime. I really appreciate your words of kindness and agree what you mentioned about letting my we soul know. We’re both fully supportive of the lgbtq+ community. She’s happy for me to be with someone regardless of their sex/gender identity. I’m happy for her to be who she is and evolve with or without a partner. My daughter is also happy with the pan sexual description but is only 12 so I’m sure it’ll change as she develops. No offence to men but I have always thought women are overall more aesthetically pleasing. I’ve been researching a lot about lgbtq+ concepts which is great as now I am clearer on who I am and that feels a relief. I’m less fearful of peoples opinions in that regard because my family have accepted my decision so that feels good. I’m very lucky that way but it feels like so many opportunities have been lost because I was too scared to experience them at the time.

Who knows what the future holds….. 🙂

H 🙂

[Author]

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