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Hi Marissa,

Apologies I didn’t check back into the forum. I hope the Zoom chat went well if it went ahead. Ha! Yes I know what you mean about kids losing interest…. My daughter’s the same. She started a project which is still there awaiting completion. 🙂

I’m making a rainbow scarf so it’ll be well ready for next year.

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Hi Marissa,

I think it’s a great idea but would be massively out of my comfort zone as I am anxious about zoom calls BUT am willing to give it a try as it seems an ‘in person’ meet up is not an option. I’d have to install zoom on my laptop which I’m sure would be easy enough on an apple macbook air…..? If in person was an option, this would be better for me depending on where it was. In terms of when I am available, during the day when my daughter is at school works for me.

I look forward to hearing what’s coming up.

I have a few ideas for what could be good to do but will post that another time when I’m not helping my daughter learn crochet….. 🙂

[H]

Hi Katherine,

I know loneliness well from various points in my life and with being a single parent. It really hurts and it sounds like you’ve experienced the rejection of losing who were friends that sided with your ex. It’s very painful when you think they care about you separately only to realise that they were originally friends of your ex so have chosen to split from you. I experienced this with the friends I thought I had who were originally my exes. It hurts but there are positives to see from the situation ( in my humble opinion ). Being free from a difficult relationship is such a relief. It’s better to know where friends loyalties lie sooner rather than later. Being able to be comfortable with loneliness shows massive strength especially in mentally difficult times. I sometimes feel like I have Samaritans on speed dial. ;-). It motivated me out of my comfort zones to try new things. I am free to make my own choices without considering others if need be but the truth is, I’d rather have someone to share my life with. Loneliness definitely builds patience!!! You’ll no doubt find strategies of dealing with your situation that work best for you. My coping list is a work in progress. I think connection is the key but that’s the last thing I want to do on teary days when I feel folks won’t understand and will reject me. I’m glad you posted and hope that the comments have helped you feel less alone. If there were local groups it’d be so much easier for us instead of posting on a site…. 🙂

H 🙂

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Hey mumof2,

I’ll be creating events when the weather settles down a bit so looking to do that February time but others have events up now. See you at the next one.

H 🙂

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Hi mumof2,

If you join the Meetup group called Vegan Edinburgh on the meet up app. I will be creating an event soon but there are other great vegan events already on there and the people are lovely!

H 🙂

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Hi Dopamine_hopes,

Thank so much for your lovely reply! It’s a long while since I’ve logged in here because there wasn’t much happening on here for sometime. I really appreciate your words of kindness and agree what you mentioned about letting my we soul know. We’re both fully supportive of the lgbtq+ community. She’s happy for me to be with someone regardless of their sex/gender identity. I’m happy for her to be who she is and evolve with or without a partner. My daughter is also happy with the pan sexual description but is only 12 so I’m sure it’ll change as she develops. No offence to men but I have always thought women are overall more aesthetically pleasing. I’ve been researching a lot about lgbtq+ concepts which is great as now I am clearer on who I am and that feels a relief. I’m less fearful of peoples opinions in that regard because my family have accepted my decision so that feels good. I’m very lucky that way but it feels like so many opportunities have been lost because I was too scared to experience them at the time.

Who knows what the future holds….. 🙂

H 🙂

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Hi all,

Thanks for the post Philippa and everyone else who replied.

I joined meet up despite it being out of my comfort zone and have been to some events when I am able to. I also attended a compassion course run by the NHS psychology department in my area. I’ve found that these changes have helped with my loneliness and both have really helped turn my life around. I think much of my loneliness was to do with a negative self image and fear of going to group things as I’m more comfortable in a one to one situation. Pushing myself has helped broaden my outlook and allow me to explore different parts of me.

The events I organise are vegan ones and I attend lgbtq+ events as well as craft/art ones. I think meet up works best for me in the sense that I can choose when I am able to organise and attend events with being a single parent. I originally wanted to organise something with all us single parents but there are medical things going on with me at the moment so I wouldn’t be as reliable as I would need to be to organise something here.

I may well meet some of you at a meet up event….

I appreciate everyones honesty and openness about feeling lonely. It’s tough to say the least but there are beautiful moments within those dark times. Keep trying and moving step by step.

Take care all.

H 🙂

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Hi all,

It looks like we’re all for meeting up which’s great but it seems the moderators are not quick on the uptake to action this perhaps because they’re volunteers and are not working full time?

I’ve contacted someone from the Edinburgh branch and left a message. If they are able to offer any advice and it’s within the community guidelines, I’ll share the info they give me if any.

Thanks for all your replies, I hope I can sort something as this loneliness is crushing for us all. 🙁

H 🙂

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Hi Marissa,

I appreciate your reply and understanding.

I am in touch with LGBT Health and Wellbeing but mostly use samaritans. I have seen the out and wild wellness festival before but it never coincided with times I am free and financially unfortunately. I’m clearer now about my sexuality since I last posted and am lucky in that my friends and family have wholeheartedly accepted that I’d like a relationship with a woman. It’s more the meeting someone that is challenging because of my circumstances. I noticed there’re a few posts about loneliness so am wondering if opfs holds events itself for single parents to socialise?

Thanks,

H.

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Hi Peach,

My Mum is great the majority of the time which I’m lucky for. She does have a good relationship with my daughter but wasn’t able to cope when I was trying to work in that she’d moan about my daughters foibles. This was all to much for me so I had to give up work and have relied on benefits since. The worst thing about this is that everyone I know works and I don’t. It makes me feel less than but I’m trying to accept that my personal situation means I am unable to work. I am lucky in so many respects though so that’s what I’m focussing on. Thanks for your kindness.

H.

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Morning Sharrie,

My daughter is also Autistic and I noticed there are some folks who have posted on here who have children with an Autism diagnosis. It’s on the introductions thread.

I’m aware that your challenges may be different to mine because as we all know Autism and people are so different. That said, I’m happy to listen on here if you need to vent.

Cheers,

H.

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Hi tattedmumma,

I recently lost my Dad as an adult. The grief I experience is similar to your daughter in that, I didn’t process it in the beginning. Perhaps because your daughter was little when her Dad passed, she is only able to process those feelings now as a teenager? Did she receive grief counselling as a young one? Is she receiving psychological support now? It seems you could all do with some support in dealing with this as it looks to me like she’s now coming to terms with what happened along with coping with her teenage years.

I really hope you are getting help with all of this because it sounds tough. Sending hugs and healing vibes.

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Good morning runningmum01,

There’s another person on here called runningmum who’s given support to me. I noticed you have a slightly different username so are not the same person. :-). Anyway! 🙂

I hope you’re okay as I remember the early days of my separation and divorce. I can relate to your feelings of being the only one holding it all together. It really is so so tough but you are doing it. Each and every time you bite your tongue and don’t say what’s really going on for you, you are being true to yourself. I agree that it’s best not to bad mouth another person even if they are behaving in an emotionally damaging way. I think that children need to be protected from the animosity as much as is possible. You are doing this which in my mind is incredibly brave and shows great resilience. I did the same and continue to do the same. My child is 12 now and has asked what happened, I eventually explained the situation because of her persistence to know why the marriage ended. I told her how things may have been for him and how things were for me and that we are both happier apart. I explained that I made the decision to leave so that we could build separate happy lives. She’s understanding more and more. She dislikes her Dad which I always hoped would happen in the early days. In reality, it’s actually quite upsetting because she doesn’t want to go to her Dads the designated times which makes me feel guilty when she does. I do need the break when she goes too so it’s pretty tough having to explain to her that we both need times apart and it’s important she sees her Daddy, his wife and her baby step brothers. With each step though, like you, I have dealt with it and I see that you will do the same because you are already coping with it all very admirably.

There are so many parallels to your story and mine that I could have written what you have. As cheesy as it may sound, you are not alone in those feelings or your situation. The light at the end of the tunnel is that things will and do change (stating the obvious but it’s what keeps me sane).

Keep going with your beliefs not to bitch. Your children will appreciate that you have given them a stable childhood. Their acting out with you means they feel safe. As much as that is heart breaking and upsetting, it shows they trust you enough to show their emotions and be themselves. You are doing a great job. You can do this. You really can. I know it’s tough, draining, tiring, sole destroying and just damn not fair BUT you are showing your grit and determination. You had a dream with their Dad as a family unit which didn’t work out. Your new future is a different dream of uncertainty which is scary but wonderful because just as tough things happen. Great things happen too. I know I don’t know you but I am proud of what you are achieving each and every day being the best parent you can be.

Keep believing in yourself.

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What do you enjoy about being a single parent?

The laughs my daughter and I have and the fact that I can be as childish with her as I like because it’s just me and her.

Are you proud of yourself and/or your children for what you have achieved together?

I’m proud of the relationship we have both built despite our own personal struggles. We are a great team.

Did you know there is a national day to celebrate ‘Single parents day’ every March?
Please let us know if you have any suggestions on stories to share, or ideas on what we could be doing together to celebrate this day.

I didn’t know about this day. It would be good to have an event in a different area each time so everyone has an opportunity to be part of it.

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I can relate to much of what Peach said.

It’s hard that my daughter is now seeing the reasons why I left the marriage and not wanting to go to see her other family because of that. It’s tough when everything lies squarely on my shoulders because her Daddy isn’t reliable but I’m lucky in that he does pay maintenance but I feel that’s because I approached child support services for that to happen. It’s hard that my Mum will offer to help out but moan about it when I do ask. It’s hard that I can’t work because my daughter needs me in holiday times because her Daddy can’t take her for more than he does and because my Mum and my daughter would not cope being together for long periods of time. It’s that I am often alone because I don’t have a partner or friends in the same situation as me.

The beauty of my situation is that my daughter and I have a great relationship and I am truly blessed to have her even if her Daddy doesn’t show his appreciation of her – I do and always will.

I hope you are both okay Marissa and Peach…..

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